midnight is reaching. the night is full of vivid silence. the dark clouds are covering the bright moon. it seems like it's going to rain. god bless the night.
you see, something is bothering my mind lately. and i don't have the urge to stop thinking about it. as usual, i get carried away by something. every morning upon waking up, i feel restless, tensed, shaky, uneasy and all sort of unpleasant feelings filling up my mind.
i am thinking .... about my future! yes, i do. all the time. every second in my life. i watched tonight's news on tv3, they covered so much on education tonight. one thing that caught my eyes, those who scored 9A+ and above are offered scholarships by malaysian government to further their studies abroad and locals. undeniably, that makes me so envious. envious of their huge success. envious of their mighty minds. envious of those golden offers they get for achieving so high in examinations. i am full of enviousness.
yes, the main thing that keeps bothering me all days and nights is this. i might sound stupid. i might sound insecure. but go to hell with whatever people might think and what i might sound like. it's not that they can guarantee my uncertain future. can they?
competitions among students is getting tougher and tougher from time to time. from my point of view, those who score well sometimes cannot enroll themselves in to universities, regardless of unemployed graduates from local and private universities.
hardly as it seems, i'm not sure whether i am able to get myself to university. sometimes, i regretted for the time i had unconsciously wasted on unimportant matters - television. facebook, internet, unnecessary sleep and other stupid stuff i'd done. how stupid i was at that time.
but regret remains a regret. it teaches me a lesson - time is golden and much valuable. and nothing we can do to turn back the time. that just sounds I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E.
people keep saying there are so many other chances laid out for every student out there, and the main thing here now is you have to be wise to seek for that opportunity. what i am trying to say here, there are so many courses and programs for student to study. but... yes, there's a but. the courses/programs pick you and not you pick them - if you know what i mean.
so fingers crossed all the time. i'm praying hard for the best. may Allah accept, ameen. and i will not get easy, not until my dreams come true. ya Allah, make me stronger, make me more patient.