Thursday, 22 March 2012

Had a date with adrenaline!

assalam, fellas. 
it's early in the morning here. the sun is rising. the skies are so bright. the birds are chirping tranquilly . the cold air feels so gentle against my breaths. one word to describe this magnificent day, ma sha'a Allah. 
well, my previous entry yesterday, talking about the big day for former spm candidates of 2011. the day where their results were announced. so, yeah... now i'm talking about that day. but, what does it have to do with my post title above? having a date with adrenaline, yeah, for me it sounds so legit, right? 
for an underdog like me (yes, that is an honest avowal) yesterday felt like the end of the day - literally. 
at first, only God knew how i felt. i felt a pounding in my head. my legs were shaking so obviously. my hands were trembling involuntarily. how else to describe? Allah knows best! 
i remembered yesterday, to keep myself at peace and calm, i took an ablution. and yes, it worked for me, alhamdulillah. dressing myself up in a pair of pastel purple baju kurung, a purple hijab and a pair of ballerina shoes i recently bought, i headed to school with big dreams and hopes. along the journey, my heart kept praying. 
finally, i arrived at school with my two best friends awaiting at the main gate. and i could see worriment and anxiousness on their innocent-looking faces. we hugged each other, just to keep ourselves calm. then, we walked side by side into the school area to head to the main hall. 
you know, i actually regretted for being there quite early. i knew i wasn't supposed to, but... 
we had to wait a quite while. and waiting was indeed suffocating. while waiting, we chatted among ourselves - like we hadn't met for ages! yes, my precious ma and my mak ngah were there, too. 
you know why waiting was more suffocating for me yesterday? because those bothersome (i'm considering so) rumors spread. they kept talking about the uncertainties. oh, couldn't they wait until the time came. i was totally mad, curious, anxious. 
alright, then i received the most appalling news for my whole entire life. a teacher told me that i scored a merely B+ for my most favorite subject, chemistry it was. that was so devastating. because (not being cocky, mind you!) i always managed to score an a for chemistry in every monthly test and exam. No! God's not that mean! astaghfirullah!!! so, i couldn't control myself. i went to my former form teacher and i told her. and yeah, i was not able to stop the flow of tears. i noticed some students were looking at me, with their ardent gazes. at that time, i couldn't care less. i just... expressed my feelings, being a real me. 
ALHAMDULILLAH, this ultimate underdog managed to score well, even though there are so many super brilliant students out there. but i'm thankful and grateful enough for HIS blessings! and the good news was, it wasn't a B+ i got for chemistry. for that, i'm thanking HIM for all my heart. but what made me a lot more blessed was to see my precious ma crying of joy. i hugged her tightly. this is for her. for her. indeed her tears for me has saved me from hell fire in the Hereafter. subhanallah! 
here, i would like to take this opportunity to congratulate all of you on your success in spm exam. and, from the deep of my heart, i'm thanking ma and abah, my family, my NAFAS friends, my best friends, my teachers for their ultimate support, sincere prayers and just for everything. also, i'm dedicating my success to my late mak long. she's a pure inspiration. al-fatihah. 
yes, i know my journey to the future is so far away. and i know, great challenges lying await for me. and not to forget, those tough competitions i have to endure with much better students. may Allah swt ease everything for me, in sha Allah. 
till the next post! :)

p/s: looking forward to buying a new handbag and a pair of shoes soon. yeah, precious ma allows me! 

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

spm result day eve

assalam fellas

whoaa!!! it's about 12.30 am now and I'm staying awake in the middle of the night to update my blog.
and guess what? it's already 21st of march. and today is wednesday.

so, what's the biggest agenda for today? hey, the most anticipated event will take place today fellas for all former 2011 spm candidates and the teachers themselves! again- whoaa!!

so, i was on facebook just now and i could see some of my friends making their golden statuses, telling how nervous they are about the result. and what about me? i'm numb, lol!!! but it does not mean i'm saying i already know how much i get! no, that's too much confidence for me.

okay, i understand well how some of them feel. feeling nervous and anxious is part of the game. it's normal thing. so what. but for now, alhamdulillah i'm not feeling anything. i'm numb fellas and it better stays still.
and i'm feeling a bit geram because my eyes are still wide open! ish, tak nak tidor ke?! what tonight will be a sleepless night for, or maybe some of my rakan2 sepejuangan. :D

a few hours back, i had received some texts messages from my fellas, wishing me all the best for tomorrow (big thanks to them xxx). and yeah, wishing you all the best, too. jajaja!!!

btw, not sure at what time the event will take place tomorrow. some say at 10, some say at 12. huh, clueless for the time being. since my precious Ma is not doing well currently (she's been sick for a month!), so I'll be going with my abah. But i pity abah actually to accompany me to school because he recently got into an accident. Allah has been testing us with our faith and patience. but alhamdulillah, we manage to overcome all the tough rocky roads.

‎'O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient'.
[Al-Baqarah, 2:153] 
 so, always be patient and Allah will be with you. in sha Allah.

and a few days back, i was attacked by flu. isk..isk.. yeah, feeling like crying. :( and now, masih tak recover.
i don't know how tomorrow's going to be with runny nose, dizzy head, ached body - that sounds too much cliche la - it's like I'm looking for excuses for not going to school tomorrow. :p

hai mata, y u no close la!!! *yawn!!* feeling like a bit dizzy, maybe it's because of two panadols i was taking just now.

hmm, what to expect tomorrow? tomorrow is the day to expect the unexpected. so, i cannot say much la because i don't dare to. my atuk said, whatever it is - either good result or not - you have to accept it with open heart. no more questioning !!!

cehh, atuk says easy la. he's not in my shoes (still thanking him for his concern, though!) :). my mom said the same. okay, i'll follow your golden advice!!

okay, stop... i seem cannot fight the sleepiness anymore. besides, it's almost two o'clock people! duhh.
hopefully, i can fight to lift my blanket for subh prayer tomorrow...

okay, fellas, goodbye for now, aye! :)

hugs and kisses

p/s: cannot wait to put on my ballerina shoes i bought recently... just for tomorrow. :)

Monday, 12 March 2012

Waiting for the end to come!

assalam, fellas. 

going santai and relax aja malam ni. ya, ya don't get me wrong. i bukannya nak nyanyi lagu linkin park kt sini. 

alhamdulillah, sedar tak sedar dah bulan mac rupanya. cepat je masa berlalu. hihi. time is golden, ya'll. 
alright, kalau time-time bulan cam ni, of course la the most waited moment for all spm leavers, including me, bebeyh!. 

wah, cam cannot believe it at all. how time flies. alright, hari dah 12 haribulan, so plus minus around 9 days lagi la untuk the most historical day for me and the rest of others. pfftt... 

truly, i'm already feeling the adrenaline rush. lepas tu siap terbawak-bawak dalam mimpi. perghh, that's so dashat kan? 

mimpi pulak yang macam-macam. even my mother pon ada mimpi daa... wah, double dashat!!! 

nak tau apa mimpinya? okay la, since ni blog kan, so tak da la malu kalau nak citer kat sini. 
but for sure, this is going to be very ridiculous la. let's start with my ma's mimpi first. 

one day, my ma told me yang dia ada mimpi pasal i nak dapat result. wahh, baik punya mak cam ni (Love ya, ma!). 
my ma cakap yang dia mimpi I dapat 9As. wah, so i rasa cam kembang jer hidung time tuh.. lol, even it's just a dream doesn't mean my ma doesn't pray for me. she says, she always prays for me at the last sujud in salat. (isk, isk.... overwhelmingly touched :o). so, i harap and my mom pon harap i dapat la score yang terbaik. she ada jugak bagitau i yang i should leave everything to Allah, i have to tawakkal la for everything. 
it's not like i didn't work for my success. yeah, she knows how hard i work (even i knew i didn't). 

for me spm was tough la for an average leaner like me (be humble, be modest - coz that's the truth). 
cam nak bukak citer lama ni, ah, memang la. 

okay, nak story ckit. memang dapat got into pure science stream ni memang something yang i impikan. maklumlah, cita-cita nak jadi tuan doktor! :p 
so,science stream ni people say macam stepping stone for all science branches related fields kan. 

so, masa form dulu, ingatkan boleh la nak honeymoon jap. menatang cis! langsung tak boleh. 
aku rasa akulah yang paling terkial-kial for add math. it takes me three tough months to master chapter one . perrgh, i rasa macam nak give up (almost give up). menangis tak sudah. last-last, alhamdulillah, jumpa jugak solutions. would like to thank to those yang sudi menolong. time kasih! 

masa trial i only scored 6As. huh, A+ tak yah cakap la, takder langsung. it's okay la. the grading system is getting stricter nowadays. tu la, skang ni not too many people yang boleh place themselves in top ranking unis. and tak ramai jugak yang ke oversea. 

ek eh, dah jauh menyimpang rupanya. dari mimpi ke story tu, ke story ni. 

okay la, now let's go to my mimpi pulak. but, my dream wasn't really related to how many As i got la. 

yang ni, i can say the most annoying dream ever. i dreamt about someone i dislike the most (forgive me, God!). ciss! tetiba termimpi pasal dia. oui, kau tau kan yang aku tak sukakan kau sebab kau banyak sakitkan hati aku. aku AKU TAK SUKA KAU!!!

okay la, at least dapat tekan capslock cakap 'aku tak suka kau' dah memadai for me. tak bleh nak benci lebih-lebih nanti makan diri sendiri. owh, please. okay, now sambung citer. 

citer nye cam ni, i mimpi yang the person i dislike ni call i. here's the dialogue - indeed the dream is still fresh in my mind. 

"hey, Anis. ni aku ******(sorry, i terpaksa censored nama dia)". 
"hmm, kenapa kau call aku?"  
"hmm, aku nak tanya kau ni.... kau rasa aku dapat tak 10A?". 

the conversation in that fucking stupid dream stopped! and i terus bangun and tanpa mengucapkan doa bangun tidor i terus cakap - owh my god!!! 

waaa, i cannot believe at all yang i boleh termimpi pasal dia. ya Allah!!! banyak ke dosa aku ngan dia (dia pon buat dosa jugak ngan i) sampai boleh mimpi2 ni semua? 

pergh, even it was merely a dream but it brought me some negative and massive impacts la. cis, ade ke patut tanya soalan camtu. 
lantak la, kau dapat 10A ke, 20A ke it doesn't have anything to do with me. 

okay, i'm deeply sorry if i sound too much. but i cannot hide my feelings and that's my biggest weakness. 

but i pray well for all my classmates - in general la. my ustazah said, we cannot pray anything bad for someone. islam doesn't teach us that. so, i follow her advice and i pray good for them. 

last but not least, hopefully all the hard work and prayers will be paid off and granted la. In Sha Allah. 
And i always pray for myself all the time that i can score well and i want to make my spm result as the best gift for my mom (and abah as well) for her supports and du'as. doa ibu kan makbul...

Ma, please pray i can get 10A. alright, before i go, i made this meme specially to those spm leavers in 2011 yang nak ambik result this coming 22nd of march. good luck, fellas. Allah is with you. Ameen! 

auww, this meme sounds quite serious kan. pfftt, I'm so nervous nih! 

Till the next post =D