Mama

Mama

My hero,
My love,
My Heaven!






#kak.long.rindu.ma.sangat!#

I yang sangat homesick

assalamualaikum peeps.

dah lebih seminggu i kat unimas. so, still now, i tak boleh nak buang perasaan homesick, malahan semakin menjadi-jadi gamaknya.

setiap kali i solat, masa tu la i teringatkan kat ma. ya allah, seksa sangat rasanya. perasaan tu sakit sangat. allah maha mengetahui how i feel here. kampung pantai kundur(kota bharu) and kota samarahan, satu jarak yang jauh.

nak menyesal sekarang ni dah tak guna kan? sapa suruh mintak unimas? gatal!
yeah, sometimes i keep blaming myself why should i end up here. why!!!!
i kalo boleh tak nak berjauhan dengan my family. memang tak nak. tapi apakan daya kan? kena datang sini for one terrible year. *sigh*

every time i teringatkan kat Ma i, i terus text her or call.kat sini kalau call malam-malam, rate dia murah cikit.
i call my Ma almost three times a day! yes, kak long rindu sangat ngan Ma. kak long nak balik kampung!

so just now i called my Ma (i dpt kredit free!)
i tanya dia Ma buat apa? bla... lepas tu sempat cakap ngan mek (my nenek). ya allah, i'm so longing!
then i cakap balik ngan Ma; ma, kak long boring duk sini. selalu teringat kat ma -tears coming down
then my Ma cakap; tak boleh macam tu. kak long kena kuat. nak jadi doktor kena korban sikit. orang lain ada lagi yang duk jauh. then i said; ok, Ma...

god knows how it hurts me a lot every time i think of family back in the village. and every time i pray, i doakan i nak ke pangkuan Ma and Abah i bila i dah habis degree. in sya'a Allah, kalau ditakdirkan Allah i jadi doktor, i akan terus mintak tukar ke negeri halaman i. i tak kisah orang nak kata i ni anak mak ke (memang betul kenyataan itu!). who cares! i don't care! i just want to live with my family until the end of my life. yes, perpisahan menyakitkan!

lepas lagi sakit bila i memikirkan yang i akan sambut raya di sini with my pak teh's family. ya allah, tak pernah lagi i sambut raya tanpa keluarga i.
in sha'a Allah, i tak sabar nak tunggu bulan november ni. semester break starts on 5th nove till 2nd dec.
nanti nak suruh pakteh booking ticket awal-awal. 6 haribulan nak terus balik ke kl. 8 haribulan nak balik ke kota bharu terus. ya allah, kak long tak sabar nak cium tangan ma, nak peluk ma... rindu ma sangat-sangat!

and i pray supaya Allah kurniakan kekuatan iman, kecekalan dan ketabahan agar i boleh berjaya kat sini.
Ma cakap, niat nak belajar kerana Allah ta'ala...

kak long rindu sangat ngan ma... doakan kak long berjaya di sini. doakan kak long boleh jadi seorang doktor untuk ma dan abah dan keluarga kita. kak long sayang sangat ngan ma. tiap-tiap malam kak long nangis ingatkan. kak long rindu sangat ngan ma. rindu sangat-sangat.
lepas degree nanti, kak long tak nak lagi berpisah dengan ma. semoga allah kabulkan doa kak long. kak long nak tinggal dengan ma. nak kerja kat kota bharu jugak.

rezeki jangan ditolak

assalamu'alaikum fellas. 

owh, sounds too cliche ke my post title? no lah kan... *sigh* alahai, kenapa mengeluh ni? 


so, a few days ago, UPU results were announced. LOL, like my friend said, waiting for that result was like we're getting married.. maknanya la, nervous cam gila babi, kan? but honestly la memang we all nervous gila, because we have to decide our future on the spot! owh, again cliche bunyinya... 


so, alhamdulillah, i got asasi sains hayat (foundation of life science) in UNIMAS. aww.. that is so far away. 
no jelly, eh? LOL. 


but at first memang la i tak decide nak pergi which one, matrik in kedah or unimas. then, thinking about asasi sains hayat ni (my dream is to be a doctor - in sha'a Allah), rasa macam sayang pulak I nak lepas. hohoo, bukan senang nak dapat tau, alhamdulillah... syukur nikmat ya Allah.. so, a lot of people have been saying the same thing again and again that i'd better go for asasi la... i mean, it opens the chances to chase my dream. ameen for that, huh. 


so, yeah, you know nak pergi jauh-jauh ni and then super expensive flight tickets lagi, memang la quite troublesome for my parents. we're not rich, okay! but, thank god la my ma is very open minded! she said, "ikut kak long la. ma ikut je". aahh isn't she a cool mom? mmuah!! 

okay, here's one a meme for super expensive flight tickets! dang!! 

so, nothing comes easy kan? i pon tak certain about my future lagi, in sha'a Allah, moga Allah kabulkan my prayers, kan. pray hard, work smart, be good or get fucked yo! 


nak berjaya kena la sacrifice sikit, kan? and the saddest part about studying in UNIMAS is, i won't be back for raya... now, i'm crying!!! i rasa that's the biggest pengorbanan i have ever made so far. sob sob... 


i will be missing my kampung a lot if i ever listen to this song, Hometown Glory by Adele. 
*sigh* maybe will be my raya song this year. 

Hometown Glory - Adele 

I've been walking in the same way as I didAnd missing out the cracks in the pavementAnd tutting my heel and strutting my feet"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?No, and thank you, please madam, I ain't lost, just wandering"
Round my hometown, memories are freshRound my hometown, ooh, the people I've metAre the wonders of my world, are the wonders of my worldAre the wonders of this world, are the wonders and now
I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaqueI love it to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shadesI like it in the city when two worlds collideYou get the people and the governmentEverybody taking different sides
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shitShows that we are unitedShows that we ain't gonna take itShows that we ain't gonna stand shitShows that we are united
Round my hometown, memories are freshRound my hometown, ooh, the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world, are the wonders of my worldAre the wonders of this world, are the wonders of my worldOf my world, yeah, of my world, of my world, yeah

okay, you all don't cry.. let me only yang cry... :(

as for my friends, i am so happy for them especially my lovely lovers NAFAS and tini, wan and others.
asma is going for matrik pulau pinang in seberang perai, seina is going for matrik negeri sembilan in kuala pilah (padan muka), sya is going for uitm dungun, terengganu for diploma pengurusan makanan (okay, i dapat makan free la ngan member nanti... no jelly, okay?), wan is going for matrik kedah in changlun (yeah, i was supposed to be there with her... sorry ye wan!), tinie she just called me and she said she's going to kptm in kota bharu. and me, i'm the furthers going. sarawak...

LOL and because of that, ramai orang dah kirim kek lapis, LOL... in sha'a Allah, kalau saya balik next year, nanti saya belikan untuk awak-awak semua okay... awak kan kawan saya yang saya paling sayang! mmuah!
but seriously, i memang suka kek lapis sarawak... rasa tak sama macam pound cake.. kiranya special la sikit... besides, the patterns and colors menambahkan selera la... nah, here are some pictures... no jelly tau!

ingatkan fabric je ada polka dots, kek lapis pon ada... 

the abstract-patterned kek lapis... looks mouth watering

regular plain looking kek lapis... tapi still sedap kan

now, i'm a pink lover... cam cute je kan kek lapis ni... 

my mom pulak, "kak long, nanti jangan lupa tau beli mutiara untuk ma, mak ngah, balqis (my cousin)... beli la gelang mutiara yang ada berambu-berambu tu... bla..bla..bla... ".
and i said, "boleh... asal bagi duit je..."

alahai, so gorgeous ni... *mampu ker?* 

wordless... 

hopefully dapatla i cari yang murah2 nanti... tak nak la my ma kempunan kan

someone nak bagi ni kat i? lol

LOL, okay so maybe ada hikmah la i pergi ke sana nanti. bolehla jugak i bawak balik some souvenirs for my friends and family, kan... alahai, dah bajet lebih ni... sampai pun belum lagi...

in sha'a Allah... mana tau kan, kot2 rajin naik flight ni boleh dapat sorang pilot! LOL... hmm, dah start dah drama ni... ayat pon semakin cliche semacam... semakin meningkat kegedikannya... (but, memang i suka pilots, lol!)

tak kisah la yang tu... kalau dapat ALHAMDULILLAH... huh, siap capslock tu..
tapi jangan la niat nak pergi sarawak for a husband quest.. lol...

okay, rasa dah penat dah mencacai dan membebel ni.. alahai...

before i go, nah i have some unimas pictures for you... unimas, here i come sayang... mmuahh lol

okay, la... adios for now.. all is well!! :) 

p/s: cannot wait nak pergi shopping with my mom... 

unnecessary bebelan

assalamu'alaikum fellas

it has been a while since my last post. i remember it was a month ago. awww, i sound like a busy person but actually i'm not. haha..
nothing much to write since i'm all terperap dalam rumah. takkan nak update about pasang surut air (because i live near a river!) or pasal buah kelapa jatuh..bla..bla...

so, since i'm all free now, i just wanna drop by here and write. staying at home for almost five months is kinda boring. haha, i think i have gained much heavier since then. of course la kan? nak buat apa sangat. it's okay la... nanti when i start my campus life (in sha'a Allah) hopefully will shed some pounds!! haha, i hope sangat-sangat.

ok, that part does not matter that much. in my previous post, i had mentioned that my ma is terribly sick (but she's not being warded). alhamdulillah, i am more than thankful and grateful - overwhelmingly happy as my dearest ma has recovered. again, alhamdulillah... i remember, she was sooo  patient masa sakit. the penyakit is not like any other diseases. it's not a physical disease (no need to explain much much la). besides that penyakit we also have other problems, too... man, the situations were so damn tough. Allah knows!! but, berkat kesabaran and a lot of do'as, alhamdulillah, we can go through everything la. at least, i will not get worried so much la as i will be leaving her soon (sedih pulak when terkenangkan that moment). whatever it is, all is well!

sedar atau tidak, we're now in may. how time flies... so, i'll have around less than a month la living at my teratak buruk. then, gotta berhijrah somewhere la to continue my studies. aww... i'm a big girl now (memang big pon!).

what else to say? owh yeah, alhamdulillah, i got a study offer from kolej matrikulasi kedah. pheww, jauh nun di sana. i was wondering why they place me there? i tak apply pon for that matriculation college. dah rezeki, so say alhamdulillah!! but, if possible, i am considering of going there. jauh la, it is 1km from changlung (sawadeekap). i have two friends who got the same place - wan and nas. lol... wan told me if we get there together, she already bajet dah nak turun ke langkawi.. haha, what a kaki jalan la she is. i thought it was a great idea, too... besides, i never pijakkan kaki lagi kat langkawi or any other lokasi percutian in malaysia (call me a kampung girl, i would not mind!). then, berangan pulak nak ke aussie... owh, what a big dream i have! in sha'a Allah, soon kan? amen for that!! :)

so, i am praying hard supaya dapat foundation in life science... amin amin amin... so, i don't have to travel so far la... dapat kat KL pon memang suka sangat-sangant! *grin widely* again, amin ya rabb!

alahai, all the stuff masa belajar for spm has all been forgotten!! cam ne ni? dulu, after exam ingat la lagi all the formulas and facts. now all gone. owh no! gotta revise sikit before nak start uni life ni...

sounds quite cliche la sebab orang lain mana ada nak hadap buku time cuti, hadap facebook ada la! 

alaa... diaorang okay la sebab dah pandai. me not so pandai. to be honest, i'm just an average leaner la. so, in my opinion, i have to be in advance la takut ketinggalan. to succeed kenalah work smart kan... ahhh, wish to be a smartass... *sigh* 

okay, dah habis mencarut kat sini. maghrib coming soon... :) so, i hope to be able to post more after this. but cannot janji la since i will be busy - in sha'a Allah (sengaja nak busy, nanti la kalau kena!) 

so here i would like to express my deepest gratitude to those yang follow this blog. i know la i'm not as famous maria elena, sara joe, hanis zulaikha and others. but this is my first shot, alright. 

so, next post maybe about my preparations to go to uni or matric la. i'm so looking forward to that. *excited!* 

so, salam maghrib all. all is well !! :) 

salam, fellas. 

midnight is reaching. the night is full of vivid silence. the dark clouds are covering the bright moon. it seems like it's going to rain. god bless the night. 

you see, something is bothering my mind lately. and i don't have the urge to stop thinking about it. as usual, i get carried away by something. every morning upon waking up, i feel restless, tensed, shaky, uneasy and all sort of unpleasant feelings filling up my mind. 

i am thinking .... about my future! yes, i do. all the time. every second in my life. i watched tonight's news on tv3, they covered so much on education tonight. one thing that caught my eyes, those who scored 9A+ and above are offered scholarships by malaysian government to further their studies abroad and locals. undeniably, that makes me so envious. envious of their huge success. envious of their mighty minds. envious of those golden offers they get for achieving so high in examinations. i am full of enviousness. 

yes, the main thing that keeps bothering me all days and nights is this. i might sound stupid. i might sound insecure. but go to hell with whatever people might think and what i might sound like. it's not that they can guarantee my uncertain future. can they? 

competitions among students is getting tougher and tougher from time to time. from my point of view, those who score well sometimes cannot enroll themselves in to universities, regardless of unemployed graduates from local and private universities. 

hardly as it seems, i'm not sure whether i am able to get myself to university. sometimes, i regretted for the time i had unconsciously wasted on unimportant matters - television. facebook, internet, unnecessary sleep and other stupid stuff i'd done. how stupid i was at that time. 

but regret remains a regret. it teaches me a lesson - time is golden and much valuable. and nothing we can do to turn back the time. that just sounds I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E. 

people keep saying there are so many other chances laid out for every student out there, and the main thing here now is you have to be wise to seek for that opportunity. what i am trying to say here, there are so many courses and programs for student to study. but... yes, there's a but. the courses/programs pick you and not you pick them - if you know what i mean. 

so fingers crossed all the time. i'm praying hard for the best. may Allah accept, ameen. and i will not get easy, not until my dreams come true. ya Allah, make me stronger, make me more patient. 

Had a date with adrenaline!

assalam, fellas. 

it's early in the morning here. the sun is rising. the skies are so bright. the birds are chirping tranquilly . the cold air feels so gentle against my breaths. one word to describe this magnificent day, ma sha'a Allah. 

well, my previous entry yesterday, talking about the big day for former spm candidates of 2011. the day where their results were announced. so, yeah... now i'm talking about that day. but, what does it have to do with my post title above? having a date with adrenaline, yeah, for me it sounds so legit, right? 

for an underdog like me (yes, that is an honest avowal) yesterday felt like the end of the day - literally. 

at first, only God knew how i felt. i felt a pounding in my head. my legs were shaking so obviously. my hands were trembling involuntarily. how else to describe? Allah knows best! 

i remembered yesterday, to keep myself at peace and calm, i took an ablution. and yes, it worked for me, alhamdulillah. dressing myself up in a pair of pastel purple baju kurung, a purple hijab and a pair of ballerina shoes i recently bought, i headed to school with big dreams and hopes. along the journey, my heart kept praying. 

finally, i arrived at school with my two best friends awaiting at the main gate. and i could see worriment and anxiousness on their innocent-looking faces. we hugged each other, just to keep ourselves calm. then, we walked side by side into the school area to head to the main hall. 

you know, i actually regretted for being there quite early. i knew i wasn't supposed to, but... 

we had to wait a quite while. and waiting was indeed suffocating. while waiting, we chatted among ourselves - like we hadn't met for ages! yes, my precious ma and my mak ngah were there, too. 

you know why waiting was more suffocating for me yesterday? because those bothersome (i'm considering so) rumors spread. they kept talking about the uncertainties. oh, couldn't they wait until the time came. i was totally mad, curious, anxious. 

alright, then i received the most appalling news for my whole entire life. a teacher told me that i scored a merely B+ for my most favorite subject, chemistry it was. that was so devastating. because (not being cocky, mind you!) i always managed to score an a for chemistry in every monthly test and exam. No! God's not that mean! astaghfirullah!!! so, i couldn't control myself. i went to my former form teacher and i told her. and yeah, i was not able to stop the flow of tears. i noticed some students were looking at me, with their ardent gazes. at that time, i couldn't care less. i just... expressed my feelings, being a real me. 

ALHAMDULILLAH, this ultimate underdog managed to score well, even though there are so many super brilliant students out there. but i'm thankful and grateful enough for HIS blessings! and the good news was, it wasn't a B+ i got for chemistry. for that, i'm thanking HIM for all my heart. but what made me a lot more blessed was to see my precious ma crying of joy. i hugged her tightly. this is for her. for her. indeed her tears for me has saved me from hell fire in the Hereafter. subhanallah! 

here, i would like to take this opportunity to congratulate all of you on your success in spm exam. and, from the deep of my heart, i'm thanking ma and abah, my family, my NAFAS friends, my best friends, my teachers for their ultimate support, sincere prayers and just for everything. also, i'm dedicating my success to my late mak long. she's a pure inspiration. al-fatihah. 

yes, i know my journey to the future is so far away. and i know, great challenges lying await for me. and not to forget, those tough competitions i have to endure with much better students. may Allah swt ease everything for me, in sha Allah. 

till the next post! :)

p/s: looking forward to buying a new handbag and a pair of shoes soon. yeah, precious ma allows me! 

spm result day eve

assalam fellas

whoaa!!! it's about 12.30 am now and I'm staying awake in the middle of the night to update my blog.
and guess what? it's already 21st of march. and today is wednesday.

so, what's the biggest agenda for today? hey, the most anticipated event will take place today fellas for all former 2011 spm candidates and the teachers themselves! again- whoaa!!

so, i was on facebook just now and i could see some of my friends making their golden statuses, telling how nervous they are about the result. and what about me? i'm numb, lol!!! but it does not mean i'm saying i already know how much i get! no, that's too much confidence for me.

okay, i understand well how some of them feel. feeling nervous and anxious is part of the game. it's normal thing. so what. but for now, alhamdulillah i'm not feeling anything. i'm numb fellas and it better stays still.
and i'm feeling a bit geram because my eyes are still wide open! ish, tak nak tidor ke?! what tonight will be a sleepless night for, or maybe some of my rakan2 sepejuangan. :D

a few hours back, i had received some texts messages from my fellas, wishing me all the best for tomorrow (big thanks to them xxx). and yeah, wishing you all the best, too. jajaja!!!

btw, not sure at what time the event will take place tomorrow. some say at 10, some say at 12. huh, clueless for the time being. since my precious Ma is not doing well currently (she's been sick for a month!), so I'll be going with my abah. But i pity abah actually to accompany me to school because he recently got into an accident. Allah has been testing us with our faith and patience. but alhamdulillah, we manage to overcome all the tough rocky roads.

‎'O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient'.
[Al-Baqarah, 2:153] 

 so, always be patient and Allah will be with you. in sha Allah.

and a few days back, i was attacked by flu. isk..isk.. yeah, feeling like crying. :( and now, masih tak recover.
i don't know how tomorrow's going to be with runny nose, dizzy head, ached body - that sounds too much cliche la - it's like I'm looking for excuses for not going to school tomorrow. :p

hai mata, y u no close la!!! *yawn!!* feeling like a bit dizzy, maybe it's because of two panadols i was taking just now.

hmm, what to expect tomorrow? tomorrow is the day to expect the unexpected. so, i cannot say much la because i don't dare to. my atuk said, whatever it is - either good result or not - you have to accept it with open heart. no more questioning !!!

cehh, atuk says easy la. he's not in my shoes (still thanking him for his concern, though!) :). my mom said the same. okay, i'll follow your golden advice!!

okay, stop... i seem cannot fight the sleepiness anymore. besides, it's almost two o'clock people! duhh.
hopefully, i can fight to lift my blanket for subh prayer tomorrow...

okay, fellas, goodbye for now, aye! :)

hugs and kisses

p/s: cannot wait to put on my ballerina shoes i bought recently... just for tomorrow. :)